I always thought the mobs of frightfully dull, repressed and clueless
suburbanites were a myth only to be found in John Waters films. It’s 2014, my
mother burned her bra in the 70’s, gay marriage is becoming legal in most
states and the world watched as Miley twerked her little heart out all over
Beetlejuice at the MVAs. Over the last few days I witnessed an internet mob of
angry pitchfork wielding villagers attacking people who I know to be decent and
wonderful members of the community. It
has been very traumatic to witness this first hand. My first reaction was
defensive to pick up a pitchfork of my own and stand up to the bullies (and I
came out swinging), but even after the truth is starting to come out. I’m still so unsettled by this.
Long Island is a unique place, just outside of
New York we are picture of suburbia sitting on the outskirts of one of the
world’s most exciting cities. People say they come to Long Island for the
communities. Wonderful communities that are supportive, nurturing and
increasingly diverse. Hurricane Sandy left our infrastructure crippled, but we
got a glimpse of how strong our sense of community is. We have towns larger than
some cities, yet we’ve managed to keep the best of both worlds, being the
birthplace of vibrant music art and cultural scenes while retaining our
trademark small town feel.
I haven’t decided if I either hate
or love the labels people group themselves into or love them. In my short 28
years I’ve bounced around in various groups all the while eschewing the
limitations brought on by identifying one’s self as part of a group or
community. Countless times I’ve asked myself, “do I belong to all of them or will
I never be fully part of any of them?” I’ve yet to have a definite answer and
will let you know when I do. I have been
an artist, writer, adult video store clerk, Pagan, witch, Christian, atheist,
agnostic, student, teacher, child, adult, successes story, failure, nerd,
gamer, freak, hipster, liberal, republican, libertarian, rich, poor, bisexual,
straight, secretary, nanny, actor and legal assistant to name a few labels that
either myself or society has given me. I guess it’s the Aquarius side of me,
but I am fascinated with being an active member of the community (whatever that
community may be). I’ve lived here my
whole life and not going to say I always fit in, but there was always a variety
of warm, open communities to be found here and the people I have encountered
over the years have been amazing. There was
no such thing as a misfit because out here everyone has a place to be
themselves. The only complaint I have is
there seems to be this divide between groups of equally awesome groups of
people. Animosity, fear and hatred of those who are different than they are. Some
of it is bread from ignorance, sometimes it’s a defensive response to past
experiences. One thing that runs through it is an underlying river of animosity
that is fed by our fears and ignorance. Although that “us vs them” mentality
may strengthen a community temporarily, it is overall detrimental because it
drives a wedge between parts of a much larger whole.
Coming from nerd/art/pagan
community, I will say I had my prejudices when I first agreed to volunteer on a
GOP Congressional campaign. My first day there I showed up in fishnets, blue
hair and doc martens. In the spirit of honesty, I will say part of my 22 year
old self was participating in conservative politics as a small act of defiance
towards my roots. Since then, I’ve
served on leadership roles for The Suffolk County Young Republicans,
volunteered and participated in local churches, charities and various community
groups. While I may not have agreed with all of them on many issues, I am so
glad I met such a great group of people who genuinely care about their
community and the people in it. Recently I’ve found myself hanging around other
artists, filmmakers and underground superstars. I have no idea where I’ll be
tomorrow, maybe I’ll join a knitting circle or a mommy group when I finally get
pregnant.
In my social travels I have encounter closed
minds, but because I decided to put my ego away for a moment and kept an open
mind ignoring the labels put upon them by both society and themselves, I
learned that underneath all of the bullshit, there was a squishy, vulnerable
human who also enjoys fishing and playing Mad Libs, someone who also lost a
baby, whose husband was also in the military and who had recipes for the best damn bowl of
chili I’ve ever tasted. So when I went
to a party, hosted by a woman Kay, one of the most beautiful (inside and out) people
that I’ve ever met, that had a group of people from all walks of life coming
together and having a great time with zero pretension or judgement, I felt so proud.
A few misinformed individuals and a
media that is fueled by that divisive animosity river has turned it into
something shameful and ugly. Angry doesn’t
begin to cover it.
The internet is a double edged sword
of infinite information and the ability to respond immediately. We do not let
ourselves digest the information we receive before we take the opportunity to
blurt out our raw emotions in turn appealing to the emotions of others around
us until the facts become irrelevant and the topic becomes a monster, the terrifying
creature that lives in the deepest, darkest parts of ourselves. We do this
because we’re human. Our decision making part of our brain is located where our
emotion lives, not the intellect rational part. We have no natural predators
and all of our big scary monsters, violence, poverty, loneliness, disease,
hunger, pain are concepts that can’t be killed, destroyed or defeated with any
of our weapons. To fight them we must
paint those ideas on physical things we can hurt, destroy and conquer to make
us feel safe again. Krazy Kids does not represent the loss of innocence,
personal fears of intimacy or the monsters that people put in the places in
their mind that are not yet illuminated. It’s a building, a building with toys
and games for people to play and let go the serious and heavy parts of the
world that makes life hard. If Krazy Kids gets torn down, those fears will not
disappear, they will be worse because it will prove to our psyche that there
are monsters out there. The people who started these rumors do not represent
the violence and rejection we have experienced in the past. They are people who
saw a monster in the dark place of their mind and made rash judgments.
We need to stop letting our ignorance,
prejudices and fears rule us. The easy extreme is to put away our labels, strip
down all what makes us unique and then nobody has anything to fight over. I for
one am proud of my labels, I wear them like badges on a scouting uniform. We
just need to put our egos away when we wear ours. Bills Christian badge doesn't
negate Frank’s existence as an atheist and Katie’s cat lovers badge is not a
direct attack on Libby’s Dog lover’s button. Instead of focusing on what badges
are different, focus on the similarities that connect us to each other until we
are one large community of humans with not just tolerance, but respect and
understanding. Long Island is a wonderful place because of it’s diversity not
in spite of it. Allow yourself time to see past the monsters painted by a
primitive part of our brain and see the fellow human being in front of you and
the world becomes a noticeably friendlier place.
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